To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 5

For all the posts in this series, click here

The mortgage company strung me along for the next two months, promising me that "next week" they would have news about when I could start. We were fine financially, because from the beginning we had chosen to live off of Lover's income, and we only used mine for extras. So money wasn't a problem. How to occupy myself, however, was. We lived in a little apartment that I could clean in two hours, and the two of us didn't make much laundry. In other words, I didn't have a lot to occupy my time. I began to focus on my photography, and did several shoots over those two months. I also lined up a few clients that I would be doing regular shoots with over the next year.

In August I got a job at the mall, selling men's suits. The pay was terrible, but they offered health insurance, and my college insurance had just run out. The insurance that was offered at Lover's job was ridiculously expensive, so we figured this was the best idea. I put in about twenty hours a week at the mall, and the job was very low stress and quite fun actually.

Then in October, Lover got a new job, where he is now. The pay rate increased significantly, and they offered insurance. We began to discuss the idea of me quitting my part time job when his insurance kicked in. I was getting busier with photography, and it was starting to interfere with the hours I was working at the mall, especially on weekends. Lover's new job also required at least 25% travel, and there was a possibility that I would be able to travel with him at times. Obviously, I would not be able to go with him if I was holding down a regular job.

Lover encouraged me to take the leap to quit the mall job at the end of December. We were looking at buying a house, my photography was keeping me busy, and we now had insurance through his new job. Plus, they were cutting my hours and responsibilities, so there was really no reason to stay. We put in an offer on Wendhurst Castle, and it was accepted.

Looking at the upcoming year, I knew that my photography would keep me as busy as I wanted, there was the possibility of traveling with Lover, and we had just purchased an old home that was going to need a LOT of work to become liveable. With all of that in mind, we made the decision that I would quit my job and stay at home. This is definitely one of the scariest decisions I have ever made. I was afraid that I would become insanely bored, that I would be judged by peers, family and friends, that I would become a "boring housewife."

Next week I'll wrap up this series and tell you how things have worked out so far with my little adventure of becoming a stay at home wife.

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 5

For all the posts in this series, click here

The mortgage company strung me along for the next two months, promising me that "next week" they would have news about when I could start. We were fine financially, because from the beginning we had chosen to live off of Lover's income, and we only used mine for extras. So money wasn't a problem. How to occupy myself, however, was. We lived in a little apartment that I could clean in two hours, and the two of us didn't make much laundry. In other words, I didn't have a lot to occupy my time. I began to focus on my photography, and did several shoots over those two months. I also lined up a few clients that I would be doing regular shoots with over the next year.

In August I got a job at the mall, selling men's suits. The pay was terrible, but they offered health insurance, and my college insurance had just run out. The insurance that was offered at Lover's job was ridiculously expensive, so we figured this was the best idea. I put in about twenty hours a week at the mall, and the job was very low stress and quite fun actually.

Then in October, Lover got a new job, where he is now. The pay rate increased significantly, and they offered insurance. We began to discuss the idea of me quitting my part time job when his insurance kicked in. I was getting busier with photography, and it was starting to interfere with the hours I was working at the mall, especially on weekends. Lover's new job also required at least 25% travel, and there was a possibility that I would be able to travel with him at times. Obviously, I would not be able to go with him if I was holding down a regular job.

Lover encouraged me to take the leap to quit the mall job at the end of December. We were looking at buying a house, my photography was keeping me busy, and we now had insurance through his new job. Plus, they were cutting my hours and responsibilities, so there was really no reason to stay. We put in an offer on Wendhurst Castle, and it was accepted.

Looking at the upcoming year, I knew that my photography would keep me as busy as I wanted, there was the possibility of traveling with Lover, and we had just purchased an old home that was going to need a LOT of work to become liveable. With all of that in mind, we made the decision that I would quit my job and stay at home. This is definitely one of the scariest decisions I have ever made. I was afraid that I would become insanely bored, that I would be judged by peers, family and friends, that I would become a "boring housewife."

Next week I'll wrap up this series and tell you how things have worked out so far with my little adventure of becoming a stay at home wife.

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 4

To read the rest of the posts in this series, click here.

Wedding planning went by in a blur, and before I knew it we were married and making a life together in our little apartment by the lake. Adjusting to being married wasn't hard at all. It seemed so natural to be together, to wake up and see Lover in the morning, to kiss him when he came home from work.

Adjusting to keeping a house, however, was a little more difficult. I was working part time and going to school part time, and I was also trying to be the perfect wife. I've always been a perfectionist, and this was no different. I wanted to show everyone that Lover had "scored a catch" so to speak, that I was worth having. If you know my husband, you know that he is incredibly laid back and stable. If you know me, you know that I am not those things. :-) I was constantly worried over every little detail. Oh no, the house is a complete mess, what will he think of me? Oh no, I forgot to do the laundry and now he has no clean shirts, will he be mad? In my quest to be the perfect wife, I was so stressed out that I wasn't accomplishing a whole lot. Lover had several conversations with me about the expectations I had set up for myself. Not, mind you, ones that he had for me, but ones that I thought I needed to meet.

A few people had made some comments to me before I got married that I would be throwing my life (read career) away if I got married. I knew that I wanted to get married, and I knew that I was happy (ecstatically so!) to be married, but these comments were still in the back of my mind. I wanted to show those people that I could work, finish my degree, and make a home for the two of us as well. These were the people that I felt were silently judging me, and setting expectations for me. And I was killing myself trying to show them that they were wrong.

At this point in my life I had decided that I didn't want to be a "career woman" anyway. That is, I didn't want to have to work long hours, and become the ultimate business woman. The creative, carefree side of me felt strangled in the business environment, and working a rigid schedule set by someone else exhausted me. I had no energy left to pursue anything I was actually interested in.

It was about this time that I began to explore the idea of becoming a professional photographer. I had watched the photographers at our wedding, and I realized that I could see myself doing that as a career. I've always loved photography, and I began to toy with the idea of starting my own business. I knew it would take a long time to develop a portfolio, to build up a clientele, to prove myself. But it was something I was willing to put the time into.

Lover encouraged me to follow my dreams. He did the research on all the hard stuff, while I devoted myself to learning my equipment, doing some practice shoots and trying out new techniques. As I spent more and more time on my photography, I realized that at some point I would not be able to work an office job and devote the necessary time to my budding business.

I began to consider the idea of not working a 9-5 job, and just pursuing my business. Then, I left my office job for a job with a mortgage company that fell through, and suddenly found myself without a job.

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 4

To read the rest of the posts in this series, click here.

Wedding planning went by in a blur, and before I knew it we were married and making a life together in our little apartment by the lake. Adjusting to being married wasn't hard at all. It seemed so natural to be together, to wake up and see Lover in the morning, to kiss him when he came home from work.

Adjusting to keeping a house, however, was a little more difficult. I was working part time and going to school part time, and I was also trying to be the perfect wife. I've always been a perfectionist, and this was no different. I wanted to show everyone that Lover had "scored a catch" so to speak, that I was worth having. If you know my husband, you know that he is incredibly laid back and stable. If you know me, you know that I am not those things. :-) I was constantly worried over every little detail. Oh no, the house is a complete mess, what will he think of me? Oh no, I forgot to do the laundry and now he has no clean shirts, will he be mad? In my quest to be the perfect wife, I was so stressed out that I wasn't accomplishing a whole lot. Lover had several conversations with me about the expectations I had set up for myself. Not, mind you, ones that he had for me, but ones that I thought I needed to meet.

A few people had made some comments to me before I got married that I would be throwing my life (read career) away if I got married. I knew that I wanted to get married, and I knew that I was happy (ecstatically so!) to be married, but these comments were still in the back of my mind. I wanted to show those people that I could work, finish my degree, and make a home for the two of us as well. These were the people that I felt were silently judging me, and setting expectations for me. And I was killing myself trying to show them that they were wrong.

At this point in my life I had decided that I didn't want to be a "career woman" anyway. That is, I didn't want to have to work long hours, and become the ultimate business woman. The creative, carefree side of me felt strangled in the business environment, and working a rigid schedule set by someone else exhausted me. I had no energy left to pursue anything I was actually interested in.

It was about this time that I began to explore the idea of becoming a professional photographer. I had watched the photographers at our wedding, and I realized that I could see myself doing that as a career. I've always loved photography, and I began to toy with the idea of starting my own business. I knew it would take a long time to develop a portfolio, to build up a clientele, to prove myself. But it was something I was willing to put the time into.

Lover encouraged me to follow my dreams. He did the research on all the hard stuff, while I devoted myself to learning my equipment, doing some practice shoots and trying out new techniques. As I spent more and more time on my photography, I realized that at some point I would not be able to work an office job and devote the necessary time to my budding business.

I began to consider the idea of not working a 9-5 job, and just pursuing my business. Then, I left my office job for a job with a mortgage company that fell through, and suddenly found myself without a job.

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 3

Read parts one and two of my story if you haven't already.

As I fell deeper and deeper in love with my childhood friend, I was also starting to notice that there were quite a few people around me that had happy marriages.

People like my grandparents, who have such a tender relationship. My grandma had never gone to college, had raised four children and stayed home the whole time. She was always happy to have her family around, and very content to be "at home." I never had the feeling that she had "wasted her life" by choosing to marry and stay home with her children. In fact, I benefited directly from her choice and wouldn't have had it any other way.

Then there were people like the Smalleys, longtime family friends. These two (grandparents themselves) were passionate (and even inappropriate) in mixed company and alone. They too had married young, and were still very very in love after decades together. He was her biggest fan, through thick and thin. They "got" each other.

What would it be like to go through life with someone who was always on your team? To have the comfort of a constant companion, someone who would challenge me and help me to grow, but above all would love me?

I began to consider that maybe, just maybe, I didn't have it all quite figured out at the ripe old age of twenty. Maybe these two things, being successful and being married weren't incompatible. Maybe marriage wasn't something that held you back, but rather something that could help you go even farther. I began to acknowledge the fact that I did indeed want to marry this man, and have a home together. When he proposed, I said yes, and I figured the rest would work itself out.

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 3

Read parts one and two of my story if you haven't already.

As I fell deeper and deeper in love with my childhood friend, I was also starting to notice that there were quite a few people around me that had happy marriages.

People like my grandparents, who have such a tender relationship. My grandma had never gone to college, had raised four children and stayed home the whole time. She was always happy to have her family around, and very content to be "at home." I never had the feeling that she had "wasted her life" by choosing to marry and stay home with her children. In fact, I benefited directly from her choice and wouldn't have had it any other way.

Then there were people like the Smalleys, longtime family friends. These two (grandparents themselves) were passionate (and even inappropriate) in mixed company and alone. They too had married young, and were still very very in love after decades together. He was her biggest fan, through thick and thin. They "got" each other.

What would it be like to go through life with someone who was always on your team? To have the comfort of a constant companion, someone who would challenge me and help me to grow, but above all would love me?

I began to consider that maybe, just maybe, I didn't have it all quite figured out at the ripe old age of twenty. Maybe these two things, being successful and being married weren't incompatible. Maybe marriage wasn't something that held you back, but rather something that could help you go even farther. I began to acknowledge the fact that I did indeed want to marry this man, and have a home together. When he proposed, I said yes, and I figured the rest would work itself out.

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 2

If you missed part one of this story, click here.

I was finishing out my first year living back in the States, and I was excited about my first real relationship. Shortly after we started dating I enrolled in college, and began a new job at a community health center. I was working as a receptionist, and it was a very stressful, low paying job. I had a full class schedule, and I was trying to figure out how to balance a relationship, a job, and full time school.

I was trying my hardest to be independent, as I had always wanted to be. I paid my bills, got good grades, worked hard at my job. I had dreams of excelling in my career, but soon realized that I was at a dead end job that would always be stressful and frustrating. I started to see the incredible amount of energy and determination it would take to actually have this successful career, and that it would involve years of toiling away. And even then, there was no guarantee that I would "make it."

More and more I was beginning to realize that this dream I had held for most of my life was turning out to be a bit more like a nightmare. I was not miserable, but I was exhausted. I was independent, yes, but I was not invincible, apparently. I observed other women in the workplace, and noticed how many were single moms, divorcees, or simply single. I had to ask myself why that was, and I didn't like the answer.

My relationship with my childhood friend was progressing, and I was constantly amazed at what a gentleman he was and how sweet he was. When I had an exceptionally long day, he managed to sneak a note into my car to cheer me up. He brought me flowers, took care of me when I was sick, did everything he could to make my life better. People constantly commented on little things like the fact that he would always open the door for me. He too had grown up in Europe, so he was a great shoulder to cry on as I adjusted to living in the States. He understood me, and I was surprised by how much I was comforted by that.

When I imagined how my "grown up" life would be, I had always imagined myself on my own. I didn't think a man would work with the way I wanted my future to be. This man constantly surprised me. I was falling for him, in a bad way. He was kind and considerate, and he showed me another kind of “man”, one that I hadn’t considered when I planned to be independent and successful. The kind of man who could help me become a better person and who would love me for the rest of my life.~

Come back next week for the next part in this story

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 2

If you missed part one of this story, click here.

I was finishing out my first year living back in the States, and I was excited about my first real relationship. Shortly after we started dating I enrolled in college, and began a new job at a community health center. I was working as a receptionist, and it was a very stressful, low paying job. I had a full class schedule, and I was trying to figure out how to balance a relationship, a job, and full time school.

I was trying my hardest to be independent, as I had always wanted to be. I paid my bills, got good grades, worked hard at my job. I had dreams of excelling in my career, but soon realized that I was at a dead end job that would always be stressful and frustrating. I started to see the incredible amount of energy and determination it would take to actually have this successful career, and that it would involve years of toiling away. And even then, there was no guarantee that I would "make it."

More and more I was beginning to realize that this dream I had held for most of my life was turning out to be a bit more like a nightmare. I was not miserable, but I was exhausted. I was independent, yes, but I was not invincible, apparently. I observed other women in the workplace, and noticed how many were single moms, divorcees, or simply single. I had to ask myself why that was, and I didn't like the answer.

My relationship with my childhood friend was progressing, and I was constantly amazed at what a gentleman he was and how sweet he was. When I had an exceptionally long day, he managed to sneak a note into my car to cheer me up. He brought me flowers, took care of me when I was sick, did everything he could to make my life better. People constantly commented on little things like the fact that he would always open the door for me. He too had grown up in Europe, so he was a great shoulder to cry on as I adjusted to living in the States. He understood me, and I was surprised by how much I was comforted by that.

When I imagined how my "grown up" life would be, I had always imagined myself on my own. I didn't think a man would work with the way I wanted my future to be. This man constantly surprised me. I was falling for him, in a bad way. He was kind and considerate, and he showed me another kind of “man”, one that I hadn’t considered when I planned to be independent and successful. The kind of man who could help me become a better person and who would love me for the rest of my life.~

Come back next week for the next part in this story

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 1

Hi, my name is Jenny, and I am a stay-at-home wife.

Does this surprise you? Are you curious about how this came to be? What is your reaction to this statement? I can tell you that a few years ago, my reaction would have been something akin to this:

“Wow, how antiquated and un-liberated. She must not be a very bright girl, because she obviously couldn’t accomplish anything else other than getting married and staying at home”

I believed that the only women who would choose to stay home were those who a) had no other choice (a la uber-conservative religions) b) didn’t have the “brains” to make something of themselves or c) were essentially “doormats” who served chauvinist men and allowed themselves to be bossed around by them.

If you had told me, just a few short years ago, that I would now be in my third year of marriage, and my second year of being a stay at home wife, I would have laughed at you. All of my life I was told that I was an exceptional person, capable of accomplishing great things, that I was destined to excel. I considered many different careers, excelled in academics, and scoffed at my girlfriends who wanted to get married and settled down.

Then I met my husband. Or rather, I re-met him. We were childhood friends who reconnected after I moved back from Europe to go to college in the States. Our friendship naturally progressed to a romantic relationship, and we were soon talking about marriage.

I couldn’t believe myself. I felt like I was betraying all that I had been brought up to be. I mean, I had great potential, remember? I was going to make something of myself. But my feelings were betraying me. Suddenly I found myself wanting nothing more than to make a life with this man, to have a home together, to face the world as a unified team.

~

P.S. Come back next week for part two in my story of how I ended up becoming a stay-at-home wife.

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 1

Hi, my name is Jenny, and I am a stay-at-home wife.

Does this surprise you? Are you curious about how this came to be? What is your reaction to this statement? I can tell you that a few years ago, my reaction would have been something akin to this:

“Wow, how antiquated and un-liberated. She must not be a very bright girl, because she obviously couldn’t accomplish anything else other than getting married and staying at home”

I believed that the only women who would choose to stay home were those who a) had no other choice (a la uber-conservative religions) b) didn’t have the “brains” to make something of themselves or c) were essentially “doormats” who served chauvinist men and allowed themselves to be bossed around by them.

If you had told me, just a few short years ago, that I would now be in my third year of marriage, and my second year of being a stay at home wife, I would have laughed at you. All of my life I was told that I was an exceptional person, capable of accomplishing great things, that I was destined to excel. I considered many different careers, excelled in academics, and scoffed at my girlfriends who wanted to get married and settled down.

Then I met my husband. Or rather, I re-met him. We were childhood friends who reconnected after I moved back from Europe to go to college in the States. Our friendship naturally progressed to a romantic relationship, and we were soon talking about marriage.

I couldn’t believe myself. I felt like I was betraying all that I had been brought up to be. I mean, I had great potential, remember? I was going to make something of myself. But my feelings were betraying me. Suddenly I found myself wanting nothing more than to make a life with this man, to have a home together, to face the world as a unified team.

~

P.S. Come back next week for part two in my story of how I ended up becoming a stay-at-home wife.