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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

To Be My Husband's Wife: Part 4

To read the rest of the posts in this series, click here.

Wedding planning went by in a blur, and before I knew it we were married and making a life together in our little apartment by the lake. Adjusting to being married wasn't hard at all. It seemed so natural to be together, to wake up and see Lover in the morning, to kiss him when he came home from work.

Adjusting to keeping a house, however, was a little more difficult. I was working part time and going to school part time, and I was also trying to be the perfect wife. I've always been a perfectionist, and this was no different. I wanted to show everyone that Lover had "scored a catch" so to speak, that I was worth having. If you know my husband, you know that he is incredibly laid back and stable. If you know me, you know that I am not those things. :-) I was constantly worried over every little detail. Oh no, the house is a complete mess, what will he think of me? Oh no, I forgot to do the laundry and now he has no clean shirts, will he be mad? In my quest to be the perfect wife, I was so stressed out that I wasn't accomplishing a whole lot. Lover had several conversations with me about the expectations I had set up for myself. Not, mind you, ones that he had for me, but ones that I thought I needed to meet.

A few people had made some comments to me before I got married that I would be throwing my life (read career) away if I got married. I knew that I wanted to get married, and I knew that I was happy (ecstatically so!) to be married, but these comments were still in the back of my mind. I wanted to show those people that I could work, finish my degree, and make a home for the two of us as well. These were the people that I felt were silently judging me, and setting expectations for me. And I was killing myself trying to show them that they were wrong.

At this point in my life I had decided that I didn't want to be a "career woman" anyway. That is, I didn't want to have to work long hours, and become the ultimate business woman. The creative, carefree side of me felt strangled in the business environment, and working a rigid schedule set by someone else exhausted me. I had no energy left to pursue anything I was actually interested in.

It was about this time that I began to explore the idea of becoming a professional photographer. I had watched the photographers at our wedding, and I realized that I could see myself doing that as a career. I've always loved photography, and I began to toy with the idea of starting my own business. I knew it would take a long time to develop a portfolio, to build up a clientele, to prove myself. But it was something I was willing to put the time into.

Lover encouraged me to follow my dreams. He did the research on all the hard stuff, while I devoted myself to learning my equipment, doing some practice shoots and trying out new techniques. As I spent more and more time on my photography, I realized that at some point I would not be able to work an office job and devote the necessary time to my budding business.

I began to consider the idea of not working a 9-5 job, and just pursuing my business. Then, I left my office job for a job with a mortgage company that fell through, and suddenly found myself without a job.


Anonymous November 4, 2009 at 11:02 AM  

Good for you to what was right and not worry about about "others". I found becoming a wife a difficult transition in my life. For a long time I wasn't myself, I didnt know what to do with myself, and I felt selfish wanting things for "me" and not "us". Cleaning, cooking, and other wife like things felt like a chore to me, because I wasn't sure of myself. I have eventually figured it out though, and my husband and I eventually had a talk, and he told me he knew I wasn't domestic when he married me. So the house isn't always clean, dinner is once or twice a week and I wear sweats all the time!

Lori E November 4, 2009 at 1:01 PM  

Once I (we) decided I would stay home I often had others questioning why I was no longer working. When my kids became teens people wondered more but I pointed out that teens need a parent at home as much if not more than the younger kids. Funny thing is that most of their kids ended up at my house after school where they were fed and supervised while shooting hoops in our driveway.
Now my boys are grown men and for us it isn't important that I get a paying job. There is a ton to do around here and I see no reason to take on more work even if it is paid. Yes there are times we could use the money but I am not going to run myself into the ground to have it.
We are both laid back though. I don't care what I get done. I like it clean but if I don't get around to it, too bad.
You have to do what you enjoy.

Jenny @ Words on Wendhurst November 5, 2009 at 11:14 AM  

Thanks for your input everybody. I know that everyone follows their own path, and what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for another. Took me a long time to learn that! I'm glad I found what works for me!

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