Hate Mail

Dear Neighbors,

Would it be too much to ask for you to keep your pet cat indoors? He has roamed the streets since we bought this castle, and it has always been annoying. When we first moved in, he would pee on our house to "mark" it. We certainly did not enjoy the lovely smells he left behind. Then, when we dog sat for a year, he would taunt our dog knowing that she could not get to him. This contributed to her mental demise, and we ultimately had to give her back to the owner so that her mental health could be restored.

Your fiendish cat is constantly in our yard and on our porch or deck. While I understand that you want your cat to experience the freedom of the great outdoors, it should not be at our expense. I have tried to tolerate this tresspassing on my property, but I no longer have the patience.

Your demon cat has crossed the line. I can put up with the tresspassing, and being awoken in the middle of the night to feline territorial screams. I cannot, however, tolerate a murderer walking free through the neighborhood.

I submit to you that your cat is well fed and cared for. (Evidenced by his fat stomach and satisfied expression.) There is, therefore, absolutely no need for this feline of yours to murder my helpless, innocent and beautiful little baby bunnies. That is correct, your wicked cat helped himself to a tasty breakfast of my four little wild bunnies.

I hear that animal control is quick to respond in our area. I am sure they would be swift to pursue a dangerous and uncared for feline that endangers the innocent of our neighborhood.

Do not be surprised if your evil kitty is suddenly and mysteriously missing. Perhaps next time you will be more careful and keep your pets indoors. I assure you, no one will miss him, and we will all sleep more soundly. Especially the bunnies.

Signed,

A devastated and fed-up neighbor

P.S. Rest in Peace little baby bunnies. You were so sweet and cute. :-(